Tag Archives: jesmyn ward

Or reprieve, release, interim, delay, pause, respite. Whatever you want to call it, I didn’t notice that I hadn’t done my weekly post until late last Monday. When I did, I didn’t have time to stop and put my hour in — we had plans to go out for dinner. I’d gotten some big (good, work related) news that day and my attention had become a laser toward what exactly to do about it, because even if there is a delightful development, some thought usually must follow in regards to what step(s) to then take. The house was bustling with guests and John Henry was on spring break and it was a somewhat pretty day in Tennessee. A lot of life was happening, and I simply forgot.

I hate not living up to an expectation or obligation, anything I’ve made a commitment to do. Even this, that I’ve only agreed with myself to do, is important to me. What is the saying? We are what we do consistently? I’m a creature of habit like most other creatures, and I find that I constantly need to push myself to elevate those habits, even if in only small ways. In short, I don’t like to let myself up on anything. I guess it goes without saying that such a practice — of holding myself accountable and to a standard — makes me, at times, a task master. I hate that. It’s not that much fun.

So I let it go and promised myself I’d return today. And here I am. But what happened in the interim is that I tried to apply the “just because you let one thing slide doesn’t mean you’re going to be neck deep in dirty dishes and laundry and that you’ll never write another word or produce another thing and you will die sick and poor and unaccomplished,” concept to other areas of my life. Just for a week. I didn’t purposefully work on anything but enjoying my son, enjoying my friends, (really) being present in my home, appreciating the scenery, reading an incredible book, and being grateful about the news mentioned in the first paragraph (I’ll reveal soon, promise) and just how ridiculously good my life is. It felt much nicer than whipping my own ass all the time. Maybe there’s something to this concept of balance, because lo and behold, a song flew out of me on Saturday. I wasn’t even trying, I was just inspired. It was a good lesson for me, because I know there is absolute truth in the idea that if you don’t put in, you can’t take out.

Happy Monday.

AM