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I Hope I Can Remember

April 1, 2020
April 1, 2020 AllisonM

I Hope I Can Remember

Things can change rapidly. There isn’t one among us who doesn’t know that by now. Those of us who already knew it might be taking to this worldwide shift more easily, but regardless of how practiced we are at the art of the pivot, I know I’m seeking a way to do it as gracefully as possible during these strange days, lest I fall flat on my face during such a time when I absolutely need to find my best self. Patience can run short, as can many other resources. I don’t want to come out of this worse than how I started. If this illness has to happen, let me make the most of the time it requires that we physically reject each other — let me see it as an opportunity. That requires a tenacity of spirit and willingness to accept things I don’t like that I mightn’t have used in a little while.

 

So what’s that mean? I don’t know. I’m sure as hell looking for the answers right now. I’m wondering why any of us let ourselves get so settled in that it’s a shock to most of our systems to not be able to count on maximum capacity on every grocery store shelf. I remember a time in my life when I had to ration my paper towel use, but it has been a very long while. But besides being more aware than ever of our collective fear of not having enough, this period is driving home another point for me, and it’s the one of the need for connectedness. Connectedness to our true selves, to each other, and connectedness to what’s real. We are all still working together. We still need each other. In fact, I think we need each other more than ever — our cherished screens just don’t do it for us at the end of the day, do they? And while I tell myself I’ve always known that, I know I haven’t known it as much as I know it now. I hope I come out of this with that lesson fully ingrained. I am humbled by the beauty of human beings. I am awed by the power of this world. I hope I come out of this more appreciative of life in a general sense, but also, specifically, more appreciative of every person who is fighting their way through a weird and dark time the likes of which we’ve never seen before, and that means every single one of us. That is a change I welcome, and one I sincerely want to make. All of that prayer, focus, meditation, navel gazing, etc etc that I do and most all of us do? Now’s when I put it to use. 

Now’s when I really see. 

Now’s when I’m really present. 

Now’s when I’m really aware.

Now’s when I give more.

Now’s when I weed out.

Now’s when I figure out what’s essential.

 

Later, when we’re past this, is when I hope I can remember it all. We do forget so easily…

 

Peace and love and happy Wednesday, y’all.

AM