2019 was one of those years. One of those years upon which I now reflect and am bowled over by just how much got packed into it. Let’s see: I relocated and got all of my worldly goods under one roof for the first time in fifteen years, I got married, I navigated and supported my son’s transitions and changes through the opacity of autism, I watched my husband release his sixth album to incredible acclaim and work like a dog to get it heard, I made a new record and released it the Friday before my first book was released (holy moly that was a whole thing), I experienced life without my son living under my roof 24/7 for the first time in almost ten years which shook me to my core, I toured, I talked, I worked my tail off, I broke open, I intended, I attended, and wow, I guess all that means I showed up. I also laughed a whole lot, cried probably almost as much, nurtured old friendships and made wonderful new ones, made a maybe forever home, grew vegetables and plants, got a precious new angel dog, drank countless cups of coffee and made a lot of breakfasts and pots of soup and drinks, unwrapped approximately 2,456 popsicles for my sweet son, threw parties, had incredible conversations and some hard ones too, sang, wrote, and mostly held it all together.
I’m still here.
Sometimes I don’t know how we get through it all.
Some of us don’t.
As we count the blessings, I think it’s okay to also count the losses. As everything is constantly changing, there has to be a shedding of things, and though that’s the way it works, it’s not always, in fact it is hardly ever, easy to let go. I always say that learning to trust is my big lesson in this life. Trust goes hand in hand with faith. Faith can’t really exist without a loosening of the will. You can’t give up your will if you always want to be in control and fashion the world to your own personal cock-eyed vision. Nothing teaches us that better than loss, death, and other endings. Is it odd to say that learning to welcome endings is one of the things at which I’d like to become better? There’s the trust thing again, right in my face, just as it was in 2019.
There will come a year that will be my last. I do hope that it isn’t 2020. All the numerology says that this will be a year of groundedness, getting the work done, stability, family, home, manifestation, conservation, peace, 2+2=4 and 4 is an orderly and calming number… who knows? We never know. But the foot goes forward. Again.
Peace and love and the happiest of Wednesdays to you,
Here’s a new feature of this blog I’m going to incorporate in 2020 — the question of the week.
This one from Alice S. : “I would like to know if there is a particular quote that summarizes your general philosophy of life or resonates with you?”
And here’s my answer. I don’t suppose either of these is a famous quote, but they are two that I live by:
1 – My mentor, Dr. Alice H. Frederick, told me during my time working for her while I was in college, “If it isn’t good for both people involved, it isn’t good for either one.”
2 – My Nanny told me once, “Darling, paper will lie still for anyone to write anything on it that they want to. It isn’t going to object to untruths by getting up and running away.”
Y’all can send your questions to email@example.com
PS — don’t forget to eat your black-eyed peas and greens today. We’re gonna need all the luck we can get.